I’ve put this post off enough… (lay my heart in the line) it’s getting close to my half marathon. My emotions have been and are all over the place from sheer panic to cleansing tears and everything in between!
I find a comfort zone in listening to music. I’m currently loving Alan Doyle’s new creation (a week at the warehouse). There’s a couple of songs that he previewed Canada Day for us here in Moncton and are the first 2 songs he sent to the public (summer summer night and come out with me). There was one particular song that caught my attention… Now or never (hence the title).
Currently nerves are starting as I recall my first Legs For Literacy back in 2013. I felt very similar. Having decided to race early September after 1 month post surgery. I signed up mid September and off to the races 71 days post surgery (gallbladder removal). This feels eerily like that first race moment. My legs and heart will provide me just what I need to get from start to finish! My legs and heart have proven that no matter the distance or terrain IT CAN BE DONE!
Snippets of Now or Never lyrics that I’ve attached myself to:
- Make a wish and make our dream come true
- You wished on a star and hoped it was true
- I step into the light and show you my story, we’ll dance into the night and you show me yours. ~What my blogs about me sharing my “story” truth and what Alan does in concert~
- I see the truth it’s coming for me and you
It’s now or never my dear,
Part of the trail to my half…this part is close to the finish!
I’m proud of my parents and I’m honoured to be their daughter. Sometimes I’m prouder than others. This is a particularly proud mom moment. On Tuesday October 10, I received an email saying yet again I won a free registration for Legs For Literacy. So as in previous years I shared the registration. Mom did her first 5k in under 59 minutes at Legs back in 2015. I was beyond proud! Mom has done two races, Legs For Literacy 2015 & Bluenose Marathon 2016.
This year I won’t be able to see her finish. I’m torn but I want this half badly enough to sacrifice seeing mom finish. I also had no clue I’d win a registration either.
Here are some inspiring photos…
Top 2 photos Before and after Legs For Literacy 2015 with her first ever race shirt kit.
Bottom 2 photos are Bluenose 2016, before photo with CEO of the Running Room John Stanton and after photo with Myles the Bluenose mascot!
See why I’m proud of mom! Love you mom and I’m sending all the good vibes your way for another 5k (lucky number 3)!
Moments to memories
Inspired by nature, fuelled by memories
Nothing’s lost, forgotten. Turn that boat around ~Turn that boat around by Rankin family
These are some quotes and mantras I’ve had floating around since the start of 2017.
Moments to memories also flipped itself and became memories to moments as I Adventured in National parks, places and sites. I’ve been caught off guard when certain views presenting themselves. I was reminded
“I’ve been in this place before or memories became more concrete because of the past”. If you’re a true fan of this blog you’d know examples.
It’s not a matter of how fast or slow, it’s a matter of get up and go
This mantra struck me because my project for fall 2017 is my first half marathon. I’m still in doubt of how well this first in the distance will go. What’s lead me to this was a nudge from someone who I really can’t thank enough for the confidence boost. This person wasn’t trying to persuade me but somehow I saw it differently, challenge accepted!
My dad’s quote is the best, it first drove my desire to become a half marathoner… run till yur dun! Yes I know, grammar police beware, it’s not spelt right or anywhere near your high grammatical standards. To me this is quirky and fun exactly like dad. My dad was the first runner I met, he’s the one who balances all sides in my sometimes irrational running mind. This half is brought to you by a case of NEVER say NEVER! In August 2013, when I started running I never thought I’d even do 10k races but I’ve been doing 5/10k races since. I’ve even combined distances for multi races in a weekend. Yup, I’ve done 5/10k and 2 X 5k weekends. Somehow I’m making memories out of dreams I didn’t know I had until inspiration hits.
One step at a time,
No matter how you perceive things about me or the way I write, know that I’ve been truthful and try to accept the lessons I’ve been given. Know that when I write a blog post sometimes my raw emotions aren’t always set out before you. Be aware this may cause you to reflect in a different way, I hope you read on it’s worth it.
When I wrote the last sentence of my previous post I was in a state of reality. “Just keep on moving one step at a time. No matter how painful every step can be.” During this past summer, I’ve been left “alone” by myself on a difficult trail, I’ve had moments of complete numbness (due to my brain in depression), I’ve been so happy I could cry and sometimes even sadden by what is. Always my mind is in forward motion.
I know you’re possibly saying we’re in constant evolution (forward motion), yes that’s true. Not everyone’s forward motion is the same. The rate in which my brain processes things can range from painfully slow to hyper speed. Mostly I’m somewhere floating in the middle. I say floating because that’s the truth. A brain like mine (depression,anxiety and ADHD) is not like everyone else’s. Without help (meds and therapy) my brain tends to pulsate and seem uncontrollable, with meds my brain can become more balanced and signals can get through. Not everyone is served by meds in the mental health realm, but I am. I’ve been the most stable since my diagnosis in 2014. That’s just over 3.5 years, my brain has been through adjusting meds to many upsetting moments ( family or otherwise), a couple of moves to new houses and just trying to figure life out one piece at a time.
There have been many euphoric moments and completely new victories too. Opportunities presenting themselves for growth, Eating Heritage (national slow food summit) and festival inspire were volunteer opportunities I seized and learned from with an open heart. I see things and people differently. I now have connected with people through these events that are amazing souls and vibrant spirits. This is only the tiny tip of the iceberg. It’s a start, because of my anxiety (anxious mind) even these small steps are great achievements. I’ve connected with the places around me and have seen, experienced a deeper meaning as it unfolded.
This leads me to my running races… I’m completely scared of doing my half marathon, I admit it! The reason I did choose to complete a half “at home” was there’s a sense of a relationship with this race like no other. It’s a comfort zone that’s been created because of an amazing group of people (race management) throughout the years. I admit the race director is even on city council, she is a true ambassador for Moncton and its vibrant running community. Legs For Literacy is the largest race in New Brunswick. The community spirit is electric and that’s why I decided to do my first half at home. Am I ready, (not really), my stubbornness will get me through. Have I had ideal preparation (nope). Did I do much race preparation this summer (nope). I did however keep moving, one step at a time. No matter how painful every step was!
This is my forward motion, in good and in bad.
21 days to my first half marathon
I’m not freaking out as much…I’m just freaked into action. The last post I wrote was a paralyzed freaking out post. Now I’m just going with it. This is where I start to do small effort more often and not more effort less often.
3 weeks = 21 days
Just keep on moving one step at a time. No matter how painful every step can be.
25 days away from my first half marathon.
I’m having melt downs. When I’m on the trail putting in my k’s I feel my body rebelling in different ways (I believe it’s my body getting stronger) or just randomly feel light headed and have to turn back (lack of hydration most times). I’m learning about body cues and how much hydration I really need (lessons learned).
I realized at Maritime Race Weekend that I’ll never miss a summer race again. Taking June to August off from racing was a foolish idea. I should have integrated my hikes and adventures into training instead (lesson learned).
A Happiness rock I found and I’ve found a few.
These are gifts that have shown me a way to keep going!
I hope you get some encouragement from this post if you do leave a like, don’t forget to comment too!
This was when I was in doubt of my half
This is a same view of my Saturday shenanigans at Maritime Race Weekend just a re -edited version
We start at sunrise with photos of previous night’s medal
Then off to the races…at the 3k mark I got scared because the 55 minute pace bunny went by me. There goes plan A and can I salvage a plan B? Always having my plan A,B & C.
Top photo is me closing in on the finish ponytail bobbing madly, then closer to the finish I had a oh it’s not so bad moment.
I salvaged my plan B…
My result was 53:58, under 55 minutes is plan b
Sunrise 5k medal
Tartan Twosome for doing 2 races.
The stress lifted and the extra fun began… a visit with Stan who’s a new dad and part of the Chocolate Hackers 🍫 at Alderney landing market in Dartmouth. Then we headed to Halifax (the long way through road work) over the MacKay Bridge and right to Citadel Hill. We made it with 5 minutes to spare before the noon cannon. I got my wish to see it be blown off! 💥
Then dad ended up parking in a special spot. Mom and I went into the Fort, I wanted to see the back side of the Fort (only spot I hadn’t been). This is where I found the moat parking area. Dad parked in there. Then we spent about an hour enjoying our post race walk and then we proceeded to make our escape 😉
While on our way to the car I had one silly thought “spy on the enemies”, I took my post race photos by the Fort wall, I felt small because the wall is amazingly tall. I ran a 5k, cleaned myself up post race, had a chocolate Hackers visit, 1 hour in the citadel before 1pm. Then we went to tea, had lunch, and were homeward bound. A special thank you to dad for being a great voice of reason while my overtired self took over, it wasn’t easy to deal with but I appreciated you helping me. CharFlew