I’m challenging myself to write about depression from a suffers point of view.
First off, I’ll put this out there…these are my opinions/personal truth. Not every person is created equally.
Depression is an illness caused by changes in brain chemistry.
Depression commonly affects thoughts,emotions, behaviours and overall physical health.
The one constant in my journey is when things go well or I’m near a large goal I get side swiped by something that leads me to become depressed.
During the 2012/2013 school year I went to college to study Early Childhood Education, I got bullied by a 19 year old, it lead me to trying to deal with it…it didn’t go so well. With 1 month class training and 2 months on the job left, I was asked to leave. I had most of the class behind me saying they’ll stand up for me, I said don’t jeopardize your diploma for me.
I’ve come to find out that the bully in question was let go from jobs and has tendencies to be rude, vindictive and manipulating. I was trying to be positive but had to cut ties because of her actions.
There’s the can’t get up & go feeling of despair.
Like now I feel trapped in bed. It’s a choice, I know at some point I’ll get a feeling that I need to move, I’ll move.
Putting on the mask & when to take it off
The one hand says tell them how you really feel and make it seem like you have 6 heads or just say I’m well and continue as if nothing is happening. This is where friends and like minded people come in. I’ve been able to share things with strangers that I can’t share with even my close family. The truth will set you free, feeling safe enough to do it is another ball game! The balance between putting it all out there (being vulnerable) and putting just enough out there is trial & error. Not every situation is the same.
Brain runs wild
My best explanation is your brain feels like all circuits firing at once and feels like it’s getting an electric shock constantly during depression.
Positive self talk while depressed is one of the hardest parts of overcoming bouts of depression. This is a slippery slope between life & death. I say this with the understanding of varying degrees of depression. I’ve never contemplated suicide, I’ve been close with a deep feeling of regret & why am I hear. I’ve also overcome many small obstacles because I’ve said internally you’ve been here before, succeeded and can overcome it again.
The focus point of this topic is, I’ve been dealt this hand. How can I personally take charge. Being true to yourself is a constant struggle (depending on situations). I find the learning moments help me focus & realize life’s true gift! Moments make memories, memories shape & help you become whole.